【羅蘭第一分會 潘青霞撰文】您讀過《貧僧有話要說》這本書嗎？
佛光山開山祖師星雲大師於2023年2月5日在台灣圓寂，我於2月12日在佛光山西來寺，排班參加大師的圓寂讚頌典禮，我左手排著一位穿佛光會會服的慈祥長者，彼此微笑點頭致意後，我隨口問她：「請問您是哪個分會的？」她說她沒有參加佛光會，我很疑惑：「那您怎麼穿佛光會會服？」她有點羞赧：「喔！不好意思，我不可以穿，是嗎？」她解釋朋友邀請她來，並拿佛光會會服給她穿。 我連說：「歡迎歡迎您來！您穿起來真好看！」
長者接著說：「我朋友之前從大雄寶殿外面拿一本書給我看，我覺得真的很好看，我很喜歡。」長者想告訴我書名，但她一直想不起來。
我知道大雄寶殿外面有一些結緣書籍，福至心靈的，我說：「是不是《貧僧有話要說》？」長者連說是！
我們後來走散了，沒有機會再交談。
我至今難忘這件事，我常在想，她是否只是因為受到一本書的感動，就來弔唁大師呢？ 這是不是文字的力量呢？
我曾在朋友評論大師什麼都好，就是太涉足政治時，跟他說：「請讀這本書吧！」
《貧僧有話要說》是一位垂暮老者對一生所為真心的告白，我讀來很動容，總覺得有義務為他澄清誤解，雖然我想這並不是大師著書的初衷，他一生不伐其功，不矜其能，從不為自己大聲辯解什麼，只是我這位小讀者的一點意難平。
過了數月，我再次細讀大師在書裡列出的「十要與十不要佛光新戒條」，大師說這不只適用於出家修道者，其實也適用於每一個人。
這新戒條讓我羞愧難當，但我又忍不住要說出我的疑惑，也許因為長期在傳統優良中華文化強調反躬自省的薰陶下，我常會陷入不夠三好四給的自責與罪惡感，這對心理健康似乎不太好，我對此還抓不到中道。
大師列出的「十要」，是積極修道—要正常吃早飯、要有表情回應、要能提拔後學、要能推薦好人、要肯讚歎別人、要能學習忍辱、要能長養慈悲、要有道德勇氣、要能知道慚愧、要能守時守信，唉！我好幾條沒做到。
大師列出的「十不要」，是品德修持—不可好買名牌、不可輕慢他人、不可嫉妒好事、不可侵犯他人、不可語言官僚、不可去做非人、不可承諾非法、不可打擾別人、不可輕易退票、不可無理情緒。
「不可去做非人」—非人，就是不像人，佛陀說有五種非人—應笑而不笑、應喜而不喜、應慈而不慈、聞惡而不改、聞善而不樂。這好像在講我啊！
從此，我每天在睡前問我自己，我今天好好當人了嗎？還是當了非人呢？慎之、戒之！
English version
Title: Did I act as a human today?
Have you read the book Hear Me Out: Messages from a Humble Monk?
Venerable Master Hsing Yun, the founding master of Fo Guang Shan, passed away on Feb. 5, 2023, in Taiwan. On Feb. 12, I attended Venerable Master’s memorial at Fo Guang Shan Hsi Lai Temple, where I stood next to a kind elder wearing BLIA attire. We exchanged smiles and nods, and I casually asked, “Which BLIA subchapter do you belong to?” She replied that she was not a member of BLIA, which puzzled me so I inquired further, “Then how come you’re wearing the BLIA attire?” She blushed slightly and explained that a friend had invited her and provided her with the attire. I responded, “Welcome! You look great in it!”
The elder went on to say that a friend had given her a book from the shelves outside of the Main Shrine, she found it very captivating but couldn’t recall the title. I knew there were many books displayed outside of the Main Shrine, so I asked “Is it Hear Me Out:Messages from a Humble Monk?” She immediately confirmed it was.
We went our separate ways and lost contact soon afterward. I couldn’t help wondering if she had come to pay her respect to Venerable Master solely from the impact of a book. This made me ponder about the power of words.
I once told a friend who praised Venerable Master for everything except his political involvement, “Please read this book!”
Hear Me Out: Messages from a Humble Monk is a heartfelt confession from an elderly monk about his life. I found it deeply moving and felt compelled to address any misunderstandings. While I don’t believe it was Venerable Master’s original intention to write this book, he never boasted about his achievements or defended himself loudly. However, as a humble reader, I felt the need to clarify.
A couple of months later, I revisited the “Ten Dos and Don’ts—New Guidelines for Fo Guang Shan” listed by Venerable Master in the book. He mentioned that these guidelines are not only applicable to monastics but to everyone as well.
These new guidelines made me feel ashamed, but I couldn’t resist sharing my doubts. Perhaps due to my upbringing in a traditional and virtuous Chinese culture emphasizing self-reflection, I often find myself overwhelmed by self-blame and guilt for not being virtuous enough. This doesn’t seem conducive to good mental health, but I haven’t found a middle ground yet.
The “Ten Dos” listed by Venerable Master encourage positive spiritual practice:
Eat breakfast regularly.
Respond enthusiastically.
Lift up your juniors.
Recommend good people.
Praise others.
Learn to be patient.
Cultivate compassion.
Foster morality and courage.
Maintain a sense of humility.
Be punctual and keep promises.
Alas, there are several I haven’t fulfilled.
The “Ten Don’ts” listed by Venerable Master emphasize ethical conduct:
Don’t pursue luxury brands.
Don’t belittle others.
Don’t envy others’ good fortune.
Don’t violate others’ boundaries.
Don’t be bureaucratic.
Don’t be inhuman.
Don’t make illegal promises.
Don’t disturb others.
Don’t be quick to cancel commitments.
Don’t have irrational emotions.
“Don’t be inhuman” particularly struck me. The Buddha mentioned five types of inhuman behavior: not laughing when you should, not rejoicing when you should, not being compassionate when you should, not rectifying wrong when you hear of it, and not finding joy in the good. It seemed like he was talking about me!
Since then, every night before bed, I ask myself, “Was I human today, or was I inhuman?” Proceed with caution, and practice restraint!
